Answering the Call

Sophie & I at Mud lane in Waimea...

    Ever since I was around 12 years old, I vividly remember having the most intense night terrors. These nightmares weren't just your typical dreams about getting chased or falling from a building - they were much deeper than surface level. I often woke up terrified, unsure whether I should stay paralyzed with fear under my covers or run through the dark hallway to my parents bedroom for comfort. It was a blessing in itself that my parents always welcomed me in the middle of the night with open arms. Over time, these dreams began to consume me with fear and anxiety, especially at night. Around this age, I started to ask my parents to leave my door open after they would tuck me in. My logic behind this was that as long as I could hear their echoed voices seeping through the open crack from my door, I could fall asleep with ease knowing they were still close by if I needed them. The more I began to acknowledge my anxiety, the more I would be stressed and nervous to fall asleep even as early as getting dropped off at my home from the school bus. 

    I am so blessed to not have to grapple with anxiety as intense as it once was. But to be completely raw with you, there are still days where it often overwhelms me; consuming my body with a rush of panic for hardly any reason at all. 

    A verse that I usually refer to during these moments is 1st Peter 5:7; "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." After recalling this verse I usually feel my heart beat a little slower, my mind races a little less, and I can finally get my breathing under control. 

    My relationship with Jesus is so much more than expected and routine spiritual disciplines. My life is so much more peaceful with Christ in the centre. I feel refreshed and new. I feel a constant sense of happiness and joy. I feel comforted and safe, knowing He is my protecter and provider. But above all else, the most important thing I feel is loved. I am seen, I am recognized, and I am His. 

Dinner with two of my favourite humans...

    This week the topic of our lecture is "The Great Commission," and let me tell you - it's been phenomenal. The topic is so fitting, considering we are all being sent out to the Nations to fulfill the Great Commission. Therefore, you can only imagine what the energy in the room has been like this week, as we are all feeling so eager to head out in just a couple weeks. 

    Today, our speaker shared a powerful story from his time on a mission in Africa. While he was in the Congo, directly in the middle of a war zone, he received an article from a pastor hiding out in a church. The title alone was quite unsettling: "The Girl in a Cage." The article was based on a true story about a couple who decided to have a child. However, after around two years, they found themselves worn out and exhausted due to the responsibility of parenthood. Thinking he would solve this problem, the father built a cage out of wood, and placed his two-year old daughter in it. The daughter and the cage were then brought out to the garage, where she would remain imprisoned for the next two years of her life, without release. Once this sweet little girl was discovered at the age of four years old, she was removed from the cage just barely breathing. The article mentioned that her small body was filthy, covered in urine and feces, and the clothes on her were significantly smaller than what she needed. 

    After hearing this story about this girl, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of rage towards her parents. How many nights did she spend screaming and crying herself to sleep, wondering why the people who were supposed to love and protect her had abandoned her? Or was she even old enough to comprehend what was happening to her? Was she actually able to process why this was happening to her, or was she forced to live in the confusion and discomfort, unable to make sense of it all? My heart aches writing this - thinking about her suffering, picturing her pain. How could someone? 

    The purpose behind our speaker sharing this story with us wasn't to leave us feeling disturbed or unsettled, but to remind us of our calling to missions. What if we were the ones to help set this little girl free? What if God used us to open the cage, to lift her up and hold her close? What if we were the ones to comfort her, to pour love over her? Or to remind her that although her earthly father had failed her so miserably she could grow up, knowing her Heavenly Father adores her and wants a relationship with her. What if we could play a part in bringing restoration to children with similar experiences, allowing them the time and place to heal? 

    After hearing this story, it served as yet another confirmation that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I want to be one of the ones to help heal those who are suffering beyond belief, and I couldn't be more thrilled to do just that in less than three weeks. I understand this post is a little heavier than usual, however I wanted to share what gripped my heart and the deeper reason behind my journey to Africa, and the compassion I feel towards those who are broken. I can also confidently tell you that I am only scratching the surface of the stories that are yet to come. 

A Wednesday adventure with my sweet roommates 

    On a lighter note, I just returned from a three-day, two-night camping trip! I truly think I am happiest when camping, falling asleep under the stars with a stomach full of hot dogs and s'mores - and the world is just so still. This was a super wholesome camping trip, especially with the first night landing on America's Thanksgiving. As we all sat around the fire, someone suggested going around the circle to share something we're thankful for. This was just such a perfect way to mark my first Thanksgiving stateside - so simple yet so uplifting. We followed that with encouraging one another, sharing things we loved about the people in our group. Safe to say, by the time I went to bed I felt happy and grateful, my heart full from the answered prayers these friends are. Before I arrived to Hawaii in October, I remember one of my prayers was for friends who would not only encourage and inspire me, but also pray for me. Now, I find myself surrounded by even more of those people than I could've ever imagined. I am writing this, feeling super blessed to have found such an amazing, like-minded community to serve the Lord with. 

Casually trying to fit as many hammocks as possibly in this tree

    As we begin to count down the days until we leave for Tanzania, I ask that you continue to pray for my team and I. It is all feeling so surreal. Pray that we are at peace, that the Lord will prepare our hearts and minds for what we are about to see and experience. Please pray that we can be bold, and love one another well. 

    Thank you for taking the time to read this, for your encouragement and feedback. Missing all of my Sarnia people a little bit extra as we approach the Christmas season!

With love, Layla <3